Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
Randomize
