why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
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