You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
Randomize
