she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.