He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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