Texts From Last Night

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  (208): View more from Idaho

  I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.

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  (208): I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome. http://tfl.nu/laeb
  Replies (21) Good night (7995) Bad night (640)
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  (917): View more from New York City

  My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.

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  (917): My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts. http://tfl.nu/py1e
  Replies (22) Good night (2089) Bad night (3418)
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  (781): View more from Massachusetts

  the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........

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  (781): the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away.......... http://tfl.nu/eso1
  Replies (32) Good night (811) Bad night (8382)
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  (858): View more from California

  Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.

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  (858): Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today. http://tfl.nu/g96b
  Replies (10) Good night (3454) Bad night (1407)
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  (630): View more from Illinois

  We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough

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  (630): We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough http://tfl.nu/a8j7
  Replies (4) Good night (2821) Bad night (1249)
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  (302): View more from Delaware

  just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.

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  (302): just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach. http://tfl.nu/5cxr
  Replies (3) Good night (2772) Bad night (756)
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  (740): View more from Ohio

  Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?

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  (740): Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed? http://tfl.nu/4keg
  Replies (12) Good night (2856) Bad night (1034)
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  (973): View more from New Jersey

  I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose

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  (973): I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose http://tfl.nu/nvzm
  Replies (1) Good night (575) Bad night (1387)
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  (732): View more from New Jersey

  This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.

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  (732): This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms. http://tfl.nu/i073
  Replies (3) Good night (1560) Bad night (762)
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  (244): View more from

  There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other

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  (244): There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other http://tfl.nu/rd7y
  Replies (2) Good night (1722) Bad night (734)
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  (912): View more from Georgia

  If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.

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  (912): If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight. http://tfl.nu/iyrl
  Replies (2) Good night (797) Bad night (409)
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  (713): View more from Texas

  I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.

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  (713): I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me. http://tfl.nu/qd63
  Replies (5) Good night (724) Bad night (214)
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  (843): View more from South Carolina

  Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like

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  (843): Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like http://tfl.nu/wow5
  Replies (3) Good night (316) Bad night (289)
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  (724): View more from Pennsylvania

  In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.

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  (724): In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude. http://tfl.nu/8jyj
  Replies (0) Good night (683) Bad night (216)
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  (251): View more from Alabama

  you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"

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  (251): you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss" http://tfl.nu/0f55
  Replies (1) Good night (442) Bad night (441)

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