Texts From Last Night

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  (540): View more from Virginia

  i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?

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  (540): i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic? http://tfl.nu/pwuf
  Replies (50) Good night (4532) Bad night (689)
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  (407): View more from Florida

  Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.

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  (407): Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama. http://tfl.nu/o21n
  Replies (59) Good night (795) Bad night (3654)
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  (814): View more from Pennsylvania

  And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?

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  (814): And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys? http://tfl.nu/bo9t
  Replies (33) Good night (1004) Bad night (5832)
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  (310): View more from California

  So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?

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  (310): So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned? http://tfl.nu/6bz7
  Replies (15) Good night (5189) Bad night (1020)
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  (314): View more from Missouri

  Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.

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  (314): Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late. http://tfl.nu/bosu
  Replies (17) Good night (4944) Bad night (1171)
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  (978): View more from Massachusetts

  Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"

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  (978): Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?" http://tfl.nu/0wwp
  Replies (20) Good night (6882) Bad night (1013)
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  (724): View more from Pennsylvania

  we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman

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  (724): we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman http://tfl.nu/wgol
  Replies (11) Good night (3126) Bad night (1036)
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  (802): View more from Vermont

  i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face

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  (802): i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face http://tfl.nu/in3q
  Replies (6) Good night (738) Bad night (1661)
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  (978): View more from Massachusetts

  No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again

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  (978): No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again http://tfl.nu/wayk
  Replies (1) Good night (871) Bad night (434)
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  (206): View more from Washington

  The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.

  (909): View more from California

  Whaaaaaat? No way.

  (206): View more from Washington

  Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.

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  (206): The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag. (909): Whaaaaaat? No way. (206): Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier. http://tfl.nu/t9qj
  Replies (16) Good night (560) Bad night (1922)
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  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.

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  (617): Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good. http://tfl.nu/gr5l
  Replies (1) Good night (696) Bad night (332)
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  (585): View more from New York

  this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field

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  (585): this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field http://tfl.nu/wzry
  Replies (2) Good night (470) Bad night (587)
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  (608): View more from Wisconsin

  I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.

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  (608): I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation. http://tfl.nu/elh6
  Replies (0) Good night (512) Bad night (194)
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  (863): View more from Florida

  I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.

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  (863): I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't. http://tfl.nu/8mvt
  Replies (2) Good night (731) Bad night (191)
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  (425): View more from Washington

  He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.

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  (425): He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth. http://tfl.nu/g2az
  Replies (6) Good night (308) Bad night (752)

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