I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.