Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Randomize
