Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her