you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Randomize
