quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
