I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
Randomize
