He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize
