there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
