Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
