drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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