well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
Randomize
