Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
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