You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
