Yeah....I really appreciate it....I didn't even get it from hooking up....lame, atleast if a girl gets u sick when u r hooking up it was fun in its inception...
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
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