the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
