You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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