Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
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