If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
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