My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Randomize
