the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Randomize
