Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
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