Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
splinters make it hard to masturbate
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
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