I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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