first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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