I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
