i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
Randomize
