They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Randomize
