she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
Randomize
