I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
