watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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