Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
My butt remains clenched, sir.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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