I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
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