Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
