I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Randomize
