life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
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