Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
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