Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
she told me i tasted like america
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
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