Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
Randomize
