He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Randomize
