is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
