who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
