I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
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