i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
