he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
Another day, another engagement, another cat
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
