I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Randomize
