ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
Randomize
