I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
