I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize