also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
