well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Randomize
