wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Randomize
