When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize