Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
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