I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
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