I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
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