Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
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just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
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Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
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