I think I died a long time ago.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize
