fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
Randomize
