OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
