just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
