Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
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