Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
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