Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
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