I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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