I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
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It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
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but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
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