Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
Randomize
