Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
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