1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦🏼♀️
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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