Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
Randomize
