I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
Randomize