My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
