Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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