I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Randomize
